For those that have been wondering...

Yes, I am having surgery.
My surgery if scheduled for April 1st at 6am.
I will be the first surgery of the day - not sure how I feel about that.
The surgery is known as a Cholecystectomy.
It's basically a minimally invasive out patient laproscopic removal of my gallbladder.

Why?

About 4 weeks ago I began having random, unpredictable SEVERE episodes of pain.
They seemed to come without warning and would cause me to double over, cry, scream and wish I were dead.
I also was not able to "breathe through the pain" like they sometimes tell you to do because I could not breathe during this painful episodes.
Imagine someone stabbing you in the upper abdomen directly under your rib cage and twisting the knife over and over for 20-45 minutes without relenting while a 1,000 lb man sits on your chest restricting your breathing.
Welcome to my world.

Turns out it's my gall bladder, which isn't working at all.
There are a few small stones, but no more than any normal person has on a normal basis.
The problem is moreso that my gall bladder is not filling up with bile like it is supposed to in between meals.
It is remaining 100% empty and tightly contracted all the time.
The painful episodes are either severe contractions or my body attacking my gall bladder because it now views it as a threat - or both.

Here is what an ultrasound image of a healthy gall bladder looks like after 8-12 hours of not eating:

The dark blobby shape is the gall bladder full of bile. It looks dark because the sound waves are traveling through the bile easily.

My gall bladder is not healthy and not full of bile.

This is an idea of what mine looks like:

Hard to find, incredibly small - no bile whatsoever:

I am grateful, however, that my gall bladder does not look like this:

LOL

Anyway....

So the following image on the left is the procedure I am scheduled for.
There is a 1/40 chance I might need the procedure shown on the right, which is the same thing, but much more invasive, bigger scar and much longer recovery time.

It is a major surgery either way and I will be under general anesthesia.
Yours prayers are most welcome and appreciated.

- Tasha

We're all broken.
From our earthly bodies to our inner fragility - we are broken.
I, for one, can never trust the person who has it altogether.
Something is there under the surface waiting to explode...or implode... whichever comes first.
We are all selfish and needy. We want to act in our own best interest most of the time and it takes focused concentrated effort to think of others first.
It's because we are broken.

The person who is quickest to offer their advice and opinion is often the person with the least experience.
The people who speak before they think are often the people who have had the least amount of deep wounds inflicted upon them by another.
The idea that "they'll get over it" or "they shouldn't be so sensitive" or "it's not my problem, it's theirs" reflects our selfish human nature.
We act like philanthropists on a mission to save the world, but we can't even love our neighbor.
People claim to be a part of ministry and "loving others" but they love the people who are least connected to them in a grand show of God's compassion and mercy, while the people who they encounter on a daily basis trudge on lonely, needy and wounded.
We are broken.

I've obviously become somewhat of a cynic, if you can't tell.
The naivete of my youth replaced by the reality of life.
People let you down.
All the time.
Always will.
Our basic drive is ourselves, not just others, just ashamedly myself as well.
We are broken.

I long to love like Christ loves the church - unconditionally, unselfishly, unreservedly with unending compassion and mercy.
I read on a friend's FB wall today this quote: "I want nothing less than to be all that for which the blood of God's dear Son was shed."
I realized that we are this everyday.
To say we want to be "all that for which the blood of God's dear Son was shed" means that we want to be the sinful nature'd sinners for "which the blood of God's dear Son was shed."
Because that is exactly who He died for.
Sinners.
Not the religious, pious "watch me as I serve God" white washed tombs....
Not for the people who seem to have it all together, while inside they hide and bury their selfishness, greed, lust and anger.
Jesus died for sinners.
For you and me and all our inner filth.
We are broken.

Maybe that's the point.
Maybe we are full of selfish ambition because that is the core of our earthly beings.
Maybe we try and do good deeds to make up for that, or to show God we're worthy of his sacrifice.
We're not worthy.
We were not worthy 2000 years ago and we're not worthy today.
A sacrifice was made for our redemption that we did not merit.
We are broken.

I am not saying we shouldn't try and do good deeds and love others to the best of our abilities.
I am simply saying that maybe we should be much, much slower to judge others for their actions.
I am saying that maybe we should own up to our own selfish behavior and ask ourselves how we can better love others when it does not benefit us in any way.
I am saying that we should beg God to fill us with HIS love so that we can better love others as He does.
Maybe loving our enemies doesn't mean loving those we might hate or disapprove of who live outside of our world, but maybe it means loving those in our lives who are difficult to love.
Maybe it means loving the annoying people in our lives.
Loving the proud.
Loving those who have wounded us.
Loving ourselves.

We're all broken and every single one of us needs to be loved.