Well, this has been coming for a while.

Xanga has neglected to keep up with the modern technology of blogging.
Most of my friends on Xanga have moved on. (I know not all of you, but seriously most of them have.)

AND – a lot of Xanga has, in my opinion, become a place for non-serious bloggers….

So…. with that said.
I am launching a new blog with Word Press!

Here is the link!

http://wordsareavenues.wordpress.com/

For those of you that still read my Xanga, thank you.
I would LOVE for you to read my new blog as well.

You don’t need to have a Word Press account to read or comment.

Simply go to my blog and subscribe to the RSS feed.
You can add it to your Google Reader (my favorite way to subscribe to blogs)
Or you can just sign up for the email subscription feature.

Xanga, it’s been real.
You’ve been a good friend.
I won’t forget the good times we’ve had.
I am not shutting you down completely.
I am just letting you retire.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of desire.

There are things I want.
I am not fully content.

I believe strongly that one desire of mine in particular is from God and is a huge part of what I feel my life’s calling entails.
I want a baby.
I want several babies.
I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was like 3 years old – or about as far back as I could possibly remember. 

Yet, I am nearly 28 years old and I am not even pregnant.
98% of my friends have at least one child.
Around 1/2 of those have a 2nd child or are about to.
Even some have a 3rd child!
I can’t help feeling somewhat behind.
I know it’s not a race. I know everyone’s story is different. I know I shouldn’t have a baby just because my friends are. I know. I know.

It’s not that. I’d want a baby whether any of my friends had one or not. I just want one and I always have!
My friends having babies simply shows me visually what I am missing out on.
Poopy diapers?
Bring em on!
Sleepless nights?
Let’s do this!
Lack of free time and independence?
I’m fine with that!

This is where I have to check myself.
Are my desires lining up with God’s plan for me and His timing?
Am I making an idol out of a dream?
Is being a mother more important to me than God’s timing?

I recently watched a Francis Chan video clip.
I seriously respect this guy.
He was doing a video promo for his up-coming book “Erasing Hell”
In the video, he was talking about when people say…. “If God is loving, why would He do _____?” or “If I were a compassionate God, I certainly wouldn’t let _____ happen….”
Chan then goes to the verse in the Bible where God says that His thoughts are higher than ours and His ways are not our ways.

Chan then blew my mind when he said, “The creator’s sense of justice may be more developed than yours…. don’t put God’s actions in submission to your reasoning…”
Wow.
Ever since I heard him say that, I’ve been thinking about all the times when I question God…. or get impatient…. or try to get ahead of Him…. or whatever…

And it brings me back full circle to my desire to be a mother.
Is my idea about “good timing” for this life-changing event laid at the feet of my Creator?
Is my desire for a baby under the humble submission to God’s will and perfect timing, no matter how long that might be?

Humility is not fun.
It means I don’t get to have it my way.
It means I can’t throw a fit and complain and do whatever I want.
It means I have to trust with seeing and remind myself that He loves me oh so very much. 
He gave me this desire for children.
He did not give it to me to torture me.
Until the right time comes, He is teaching me patience, faith, trust, hope, humility, dependence….

* * *

Here is the link to the Francis Chan video is any body wants it.

http://youtu.be/qnrJVTSYLr8 

For the first time in my 9 year blogging life, I feel unmotivated to blog because I feel like no one reads this anymore.

I used to not care, but now I do.