Hello, June.
27 days until I say goodbye to Virginia.
28 until we find ourselves in a land not our own.
29 until we stop and see the sights.
30 until we pull into Kansas City.
Where has the time gone?

Tonight we watched the end of an HBO mini-series we've been watching called "The Pacific"
I am not even a huge "war movie" kind of person.
In fact, it's not my favorite.
However, this series was outstanding.
I cried at the end.
So well done.
So worth the 10 episodes.
Puts Memorial Day into a whole new light.
Makes the 18 year old boys of this generation (some that I know of personally) seem coddled and immature compared to what some 18 year old men had to go through not that long ago.
I pray that Chad and I raise our future boys to see the world the way it really is, to not complain when life doesn't throw them a bone and to be strong & honorable men.
That alone would be quite the accomplishment in today's world.

Time for bed.
Sleep well.

People get so upset over things they can't control or understand.
Someone wrongs them and they're offended.
Someone treats them poorly and they're hurt.
Someone makes a choice and we don't agree with it, but they don't want our advice.
We as humans are so easily upset or offended.
The tiniest things seem to set us off.

Jesus said,
"Blessed are the peacemakers,
      for they will be called sons of God."
Matthew 5:9

So what are we to do when we are wronged, offended, hurt, mistreated or unappreciated/ignored?

Let.
It.
Go.

Seriously.
Easier said than done, I know.... but most of us don't even try to let it go.
Choose peace.

- - -

"You are waiting on a beach
For a healing word to come
Maybe an apology in a bottle
Maybe a flare that says I'm sorry
And the hurting leaves you numb

Will you forgive?
Will you forget?
Will you live what you know?
He left his rights, will you leave yours?
You don't understand it...
Let it go.

You are waiting on a beach
This is where the east meets west
And as another sun sets on your anger
The darkness laughs as the wound destroys
And it turns your prayers to noise

Will you forgive?
Will you forget?
Will you live what you know?
He left his rights, will you leave yours?
You don't understand it...
Let it go.

This bitterness you hide
It seeps into your soul
And it steals your joy
Till it's all you know
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

Will you forgive?
Will you forget?
Will you live what you know?
He left his rights, will you leave yours?
You don't understand it...
Let it go.

Will you forgive?
Will you forget?
Will you live what you know?
Beneath the cross you hear His words
'Father forgive them'
And you know
You can't understand it
Let it go"

Newsboys - "Let It Go"

TGIAF!!!
Thank God It's ALMOST Friday!!!
My baby comes home tomorrow.

I work a LONG day tomorrow, but it never feels like it did with other jobs.
It could be that I just enjoy it so much.
It could be the 3 hour nap in the middle of my shift that the girls take.
I dunno.
Either way, that's on the agenda tomorrow.
I am working later than normal because they need me for the normal full day of 8:30-4:30
But then they also have a dinner thing from 5-8 or so...

On another note... random thought today...
Firefox needs to get it together.
Normally I appreciate the spell check feature....
It's helpful for typos...
However - this is 2010.
Twenty-TEN.
If Firefox doesn't know that Netflix, Flixxy, Youtube & Gmail are real words then it needs some updating.
Seriously.

I watched True Lies tonight.
I don't remember ever seeing this.
I watched it because my husband now owns the type of handgun used by Schwarzenegger in the movie.
(Firefox DID know how to spell Schwarzenegger!)
I really, really liked it!
Something about movies from "back then" (though cheesy CGI) are much more captivating.
Hmmmm.... **ponders**

I talked to my best friend on the phone tonight for 1.5 hours or so.
It was a wonderful surprise and she made my day!
It sucks having a best friend in another state.
It's nice to have one like her though...

Welp.... Goodnight, everyone...

It kind of scares me the level that I have allowed myself to become attached to another human being.
It has only been two days and I literally feel as if part of myself is missing.
Nothing can shine as brightly, be as exciting or feel as wonderful until my love comes back to me.
That is just the short of it.
Call me irrational, silly or naive if you wish... but I know what I've found.
Love.
I love Chad with my whole heart.
I miss him when he is gone.
Whenever he does leave (always temporary, but still difficult) I get incredibly sappy.
The smallest thing makes me think of him.
The silliest most insignificant things move me to tears.
In turn, romance and romance movies are 10x more appealing.

I just got back from taking myself to the movies to see Letters to Juliet.
Wow is all I can say.
I really, REALLY enjoyed it!
I laughed.
I cried (just a bit)
I smiled and was comforted by the story.
It was beautiful.

It makes me wonder...
Is this how God thinks of me?
It challenges me...
Is this how I feel about Him?
When did that all-consuming, passionate love for Him fade?
How can I get it back?
He has never changed.
His thoughts of me have not diminished.
His love for me is steadfast.
So it is simply up to me to turn around, face Him and walk into His embrace.
That simple.
That easy.
That wonderful.

What a wonderful thing love is.

* * *

"That I feel myself surrender
Each time I see your face.
I am staggered by your beauty,
Your unassuming grace.
And I feel my heart is turning,
Falling into place.
I can't hide
Now hear my confession."
- Josh Groban - 'My Confession'

-

It's been a while, I know...

Lots has happened...

I am completely healed from my UTI experience.
Praise God.

We had to make a last minute trip to Texas about a week ago...
Chad's Paw Paw passed away after years of being in pain/medicated in a bed.
It was really good to just be able to go there and be with family.
Last minute plane tickets are definitely pricing, but that's what emergency money is for...
The day of the funeral was very sad, but the funeral in general was very nice.
He would have liked it, everyone kept saying.
It was hard to see Chad and his family so sorrowful...
But we were told that some time before his passing he had accepted the Lord.
That was a big deal and a huge relief.

The rest of the week in Texas was great.
We got to see one of Zane's T-Ball games and hang out with him a whole lot.
We had a big family cat fish fry, complete with hush puppies, sweet tea and fried okra.
We hung out with Chad's dad and drove the Mustang - I even got to drive it!
Chad got to get his long anticipated hand gun too...
He has the same handgun that Arnold used in True Lies - how cool is that?!?!
Chad even got some new work clothes and shoes... compliments of his mama.

Now we're back and in routine again.
Looking forward to the move back to KC.
We got pre-approved on a house loan - so that's exciting!
Much to enjoy in the "now" and much to look forward to...

And now...

Pics from the past few weeks:

My girls...

Mollie in the pink shirt, Mia in the yellow:

Mia:

This cute rescued cat at Chad's mom's house named Cuddles, who was - in fact - very cuddly.

Zane's new puppy Freckles:

Zane's new baseball uniform.... this one has striped pants!

Playing air hockey with Chad and I:

Playing with toys at Walmart:

Zane got a stick on mustache and sideburns at the arcade... when we took this picture he said, "Hey ladies. Here I am..." LOL

Family dinner.... everyone came over for catfish!

Hanging out with Zane:

Trying on hats at Kohls:

A family member / good friend of mine recently asked me to compile a play list for her of songs I like to work out to.
This is awesome because...

I LOVE making play lists.

Back in the day, I was the mix tape queen!
Then I was the burned CD queen (still am sometimes)
Either way, putting music together for a cohesive purpose is a lot of fun for me.
I've made CDs for mending a broken heart.
I've made CDs for studying / relaxing.
I've made CDs for cleaning the house even.
BUT - some of my best CDs are for working out / running.

The criteria is so precise for me.
The song MUST have a steady rhythm and beat.
Which is why just any R&B song won't do.
It has to have variations in music - different types to keep energizing.
Each song has to have climatic moments, which cause you to start sprinting just because the music picked up
And lastly, but still very important...

The song's lyrics must be something I want to be hearing while running / working out.
Sometimes this turns out to be ironic.
For instance, I love going running to Lifehouse's song "Out of Breath"
In the chorus, he literally is saying "I am running!"
LOL
Or Destiny's Child's song "Survivor" - because I feel like I am DYING at this point in the run and I need some motivation.

Other songs, it might just be the beat combined with some kind of angsty lyrics.
For instance, Maroon 5's "Wake Up Call" or "Little of Your Time"
That guy is pissed and it makes me want to run faster.

Other songs, it might be thoughts of the end goal in mind.
For instance, "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake is a fantastic song to work out to!
Don't knock it till you try it.

Anyway...

Here are my TOP 25 Favorite songs in no particular order to work out / run to.
Some are Christian.
Some are secular.
Some are from the 80's.... some the 90's.... some from nowadays....
Some are techno....some R&B..... some rock....etc....
Heck, one is even in a foreign language!
But all of them are fantastic for a great workout / run.
Enjoy!

1. "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
2. "Survivor" by Destiny's Child
3. "Out of Breath" by Lifehouse
4. "Womanizer" by Britney Spears
5. "Toxic" by Britney Spears
6. "Yeah!" by Usher
7. "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay
8. "Lovers in Japan" by Coldplay
9. "Touch It/Technologic" REMIX by Daft Punk (off of their Alive 2007 album)
10. "Declaration" by David Cook
11. "Socially Acceptable" by DC Talk
12. "Tourniquet" by Evanesence
13. "Habibi De Mis Amores" by Ishtar
14. "Irresistible" REMIX by Jessica Simpson (So So Def Remix)
15. "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry
16. "Telephone" by Lady Gaga (I have the Pomplamoose version!)
17. "Wake Up Call" by Maroon 5
18. "I Melt With You" by Modern English
19. "I'm Not Ashamed" by Newsboys
20. "Buttons" by The Pussycat Dolls
21. "Push Up On Me" by Rihanna
22. "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira
23. "Quicken" by Thousand Foot Krutch
24. "Bounce" by Thousand Foot Krutch
25. "Little of Your Time" by Maroon 5

What a miserable two days.
I am still recovering.
And you, Xanga, get the lovely details.

I went to the ER Sunday night around 11pm.
We didn't leave until 5am.
I literally felt like I was dying.

It started out with me feeling this intense urge to use the bathroom.
Every.
Five.
Minutes.
Only nothing ever happened.
That's when I knew right away I had a Urinary Tract Infection. (UTI)
I've never had one before, but came across them a lot when I worked at the hospital.

I looked it up online and it said I could wait it out a few days
UNLESS
It was accompanied by nausea or vomiting.
An hour later I felt overwhelming nausea.
Like whoa.
Like I was having a hard time standing on my own two feet because nausea would hit me like a friggin' truck
I told Chad we needed to go to the Emergency Room.
So we did.
While there I developed really bad diarrhea.
I am not trying to gross you out, so that is all I will say about it.
It just needed to be said to give clarity on how everything went downhill so fast.
Two minutes after being given a room I vomited about 1.5 liters of "stuff"
I know this because they gave me a barf bag when I first came in.

After checking me out it was confirmed that I had a UTI.
But, diarrhea is NOT a symptom of a UTI.
Turns out I ALSO had a bad stomach bug.
Which made me severely dehydrated.
Which made it impossible for them to find a vein to draw blood.
Which led to me getting stabbed over and over.
I literally screamed and started crying because they just kept poking me with their friggin' needles!

Eventually they were able to stick a needle into the base of my thumb near the wrist.
I do NOT recommend ever getting stabbed here.
Plus, this needle had a catheter in it because they needed to give me an I.V. of fluids due to my dehydration.
This was not a small needle.

So after not being able to pee without intense pain....
Still not being able to pee despite intense pain....
Nearly passing out...
Expelling all my inner hydration....
Being stabbed to death....
And having a crappy nurse....

I finally was sent home.
For the past 24+ hours I have not been able to eat anything but dry toast and crackers...
I have not been able to drink anything but water or watered down Gatorade/juice...

My UTI is completely better.
My strength is not back yet.
Pray that I gain my strength back soon....

Sorry if this was TMI. :-

You're welcome.

This is what has been on my heart today...

"And Oh how wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
And how far You would come
If ever I was lost..."

It's from a fantastic song by a fantastic band.
"Forever" by Hillsong.
It is so clear to me how God loves us exactly where we're at.
I don't understand how some people don't see this!
And yet, at the same time, I remember not seeing it myself once upon a time.

So often we get so convinced we are unreachable.
So often we make mistakes and tell ourselves we have gone too far.
We think certain people get to have God's love and grace and we are not one of them.

I think we misunderstand Him.
I think we don't know His heart.
The prodigal son did not get what he thought he deserved.
After intentionally leaving his Father's House...
After purposefully squandering his inheritance on self-indulgence....
After living a selfish lifestyle and thinking only of himself...
After finding himself alone, broke and living with pigs in slop....
The prodigal son in his lowest moment thinks that maybe, just maybe, his Father will let him work in His house as a slave
Just so he can have a roof over his head....
Just so he can have scraps of bread to eat...
Just so he can survive....
So he crawls back to his Father's House groveling - terrified of what his Father will think...
And his Father sees him coming from a long way away and RUNS to him...
He RUNS as fast as he can to his prodigal son and embraces him tightly...
He throws his best robe on him, puts his ring on his finger and throws a party for him!
He makes him LOOK like his son again...
Because his son who was lost has come home....

How can that NOT blow your mind?!?!
It blows mine...

Starfield does a great job of wording how we feel in their song "Outstretched Hands"

"I am numb today
Everything's a blur
I've seen too much to deny
Too little to be sure
Like a prodigal
Like a distant son
I can see You from a distance
But I'm too ashamed to come"

I think if we could see God's heart we would be shocked at the measure of compassion we find.
If we could taste His goodness and His mercy, we would never go back...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nxtl4SQcVP8

I miss Chad.
There I said it.
I am that girl.
He leaves for even a day I get homesick for him.
He is on a 3 day work trip this week.
At around exactly 6:30pm (1 hour past when he would normally be walking through the door) I started missing him something awful.
I'm not ashamed.
I love him.
If you felt what I feel, you'd understand.

I start work this Thursday!
I am WAY looking forward to it.
I am not sure if that is a proper sentence.
But I don't care too much...

The apartment is a mess.
I need to get my act together.

I am a tad apprehensive when I think of the work load I will be hauling this Fall.
I have become... err.... lazy.
Lazy is definitely the best word to describe what I have turned into.
I used to not be.
Not at all.
Now I am.
I blame Chad mostly. haha
I also blame my apathy in this we-get-to-move-every-6-months life I've been living.
It's very freeing to move every 6 months.
It also motivates you to not invest yourself into anything because nothing is permanent.
Yep.
I look forward to permanent.
But you knew that...

I just got done watching this documentary called "The American Teenager"
Eye opening.
I never went to regular high school so the idea of it scares me.
I hope don't have kids like Megan, Jake or Mitch.
I want my kids to care about others.
I want my kids to feel confident and care about their future.
I wouldn't mind a kid somewhat like Hannah - maybe less erratic and crazy.
Colin was a good kid.
His dad was a good dad though, so that helps.

I should go to bed.
I don't like going to bed when there is no one there to snuggle with me.
I have become spoiled on snuggles.

Goodnight....

*** UpDATE ***

This video made my palms sweat just watching it! Whoa!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKFAly6G5cA